This has lots of potential as a remix of the first version of the song! Glad to see you're using vibrato and note releases now, and I love what you did with the drums, with the kick/snare playing half the rate of the original track!
Near the end of pattern 1, you have notes that chop off rather abruptly. Consider using a release and an "Sxx" on the same row, so it releases to a lower volume level for a brief moment before actually chopping the note off. Some of the note cuts you have on the Triangle channel are a bit too abrupt too, so consider using Sxx instead to cut the note slightly later when it plays a bunch of them together, like near the end of pattern 05.
I also feel the rhythms on the Triangle at 06 could play differently to compliment the noise percussion instead of playing alongside it... Perhaps try some dotted-accented rhythms like what you did on Pulse 2 in pattern 05? I think that would work well with the beat you have going on Pattern 06. Check out the example I attached to see how I varied rhythms to make it pop out more. (I actually changed some harmony notes because you had some slight dissonance, such as playing a G next to an A between the two pulse channels. Try to watch out for small interval clashes like that! I noticed a couple of them throughout the song! Most of them you might want to fix on pulse 2 so you don't mess with the melody/bass flow too much. [E.g. "C" and "C#", "C" and "D", "E" and "F#", etc])
Also, don't forget to declare a volume envelope on the noise channel too! If you don't assign one, it's "F" by default, and I personally believe that "9-B" are the recommended volume levels for the pulses/noise if you're only using the 4-5 standard 2A03 channels.
EDIT: Oh wait a second, your Release envelope is only one frame long! It can't release to a lower volume level if there's nothing after the release to change to! (I added it to the instrument in my sample FTM, and I think it did some drastic improvements to the song just from doing that.)
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