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FamiTracker
I actually like the original melody. I like the oscillation between the relative tension of what sounds to me like G major over an F pedal and the straight F major.
In my version I extended the melody's echo to play out for three notes instead of just two.
Well I tried my own version...First of all, I kept the echo on the square 2. I changed the rhythm of the triangle for something more "natural" (to my ears at least...matter of taste I guess). Then I changed the drums patterns to fit with the new rhythm. Added some texture on frame 2 (not that it was really necessary, but I felt like it I guess.) I changed the square 1 on frame 2; in this version, the square 2 becomes more an accompaniment to the main melody (played on the square 1 channel). But the most important change (in my mind) comes on frame 3; I changed the Bass pattern to outline a dominant chord (C major). It's often a good idea to change chords when you get in the second part of a musical phrase. It just adds movement. (Not an absolute rule by any means, though). You've got some great ideas, and this is only my way of seeing things; just telling you these things to give you some ideas.
Ah and I guess if I had put more time on this I would have played with the instruments a little. Hope this helps. Keep on famitrackin'.
Well, I mean, the melody is thirds going up and down the F Lydian scale. The Lydian B is really charming, I don't really see the need to flatten it, it kind of removes the interest for me, but this is a matter of personal preference.
Here's an example with added channels to exemplify the kind of implied harmony I meant. I made two examples with the oscillation between F and G/F (or C/F) in alternate rhythmic positions. (Not that I think this texture needs more channels; just wanted to paint a picture of the harmony in my mind.)
Edit: I like Velathnos' changes. S1 is now counterpoint instead of just reinforcing what T was already saying. The change of harmony does put some interest in the use of B-flat, too.
I noticed you got rid of the high note slide at the end of SQ1.
EDIT: this was to gyms.
EDIT AGAIN: Just listened to the rest.
You two make me feel like I have no purpose. You really changed it that much.
(P.S.: I wonder what it would sound like if nicetas and/or xolroc join in)
Mmmm I did took some liberties with the ftm...sorry if I went overboard with it. One thing I can say that you definitely have a purpose, this was just my way of seeing things...Like I said, a lot of change I did were not necessary. Just wanted to give you some tips. I should only have said this: you could change the bassline on frame 3.
I don't really care. That "You two make me feel like I have no purpose" thing was supposed to be imagined with me suddenly making my eyes big andf watery, and looking up, and then added the voice being babyish.
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