EDIT: Whoops, meant to make my own thread instead of posting here, but I might as well chime in.
Is this meant to be a cover of something? Interesting Toreador bit in the beginning. In general I'd look into some more volume control on your channels and some duty and/or pitch adjustments to try and make it sound a little less harsh. It has some... interesting harmonies going for it; not sure what to say about them.
